When I say "Super Mommy" what is it that comes to mind? Do images of any combo of the following; spotless houses, pristine, genius children, 8 arms, soccer trophies, winning the bread, and a brilliant relationship come to mind? I hope not, cuz I'm writing to tell you that "Super Mommy" is the Mommy who knows herself, who gives of her true self freely to her family, she is the woman who has simply elaborated on the already spectacular chic she is, the woman who has created a family without losing herself. I am here to tell you that we can still skip along on our own individual paths to find and nurture self while bringing our mommy selves to the table. When "who we are"is the actual foundation of our life, everything sort of falls into place. I am one hell of a "Super Mommy" and I may look and do things very, very differently from another "Super Mommy."

How many times have we insisted that we "Just want to be Happy"and how many times have we had the option or opportunity to actually bask in "pure, uninterrupted Happiness?" For me personally I would have to say: Not much. Why is this so? I have come to understand it as a simple misunderstanding of words and a misperception of needs and desires.

What is happiness exactly, is it a state of being or just another emotion that flutters within us? I acknowledge happiness to be one emotion in an extensive and complicated cauldron of emotions, felt by a person either alone or simultaneously with other emotions. I have determined that in my own life it is not Happiness that I am in need of or desire, rather I work for Well-Being. So what is Well-Being? This question in and of itself is so very complicated, and while I have found what is the most comprehensive way possible to define it in these particular moments of my life, that is not to say it will not evolve into something different at another time. Well-being is the collective health and wellness of one's physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and connected self. Wellness is a symptom of well-being, indicating individually defined balance.

I spent a great deal of time, introspection, and energy developing an understanding of what it really meant for me to be well and whole. During the course of this development it occurred to me that I really didn't know very much about myself. I had always adapted to whatever role was necessary at the time and here I was doing the exact same thing as a mom. Now I've always known on some level that I was a pretty awesome chic and while I may have longed to know myself, I never really invested. Once I had my son, I felt a sense of urgency that was exceptionally difficult to ignore; didn't he deserve to know me, who I truly am? Didn't he deserve every ounce of me?

My initial process went a little something like this: I had my son which fulfilled me in ways I never thought possible and it lit a flame under my "tushy"to get on the ball and learn to be whole and well as the very best me possible. I came across some feminist literature, which I found absolutely empowering and compelling. I re-united with a dear friend and almost immediately following that we began to take a Spirituality class, which led me to intense exploration of goddess cultures and the Divine Feminine. Next thing I knew I was feeling good about me and completely absorbed in anything about The Goddess. I started to look a bit more closely at feminist theory and perspective and began to form my own thoughts and opinions regarding those particular topics. All of a sudden I was a fantastic Mother, who loved her plush body and herself, a self proclaimed sexy and fierce feminist, who loved fashion and make-up again, falling back in love with my son's father (my partner), a "witchy"witch again, and completely engulfed by Goddess Spirituality. This is the "me"my son deserves, this is the woman he will admire and look to for guidance. What better gift can I give him?

We cannot forget ourselves, we cannot learn to just "make it"in the chaos that permeates our lives. Most of the moms I know are full-time everything: partners, parents, employees, chefs, housekeepers, and all of that other good stuff. Most moms I know are driven by the societal pressures and expectations of being a "super mom"and while a lot of us have varying degrees of help and support from our partners we are still consistently reminded of the imposed obligations that come with being a "super mom." I say screw that, I say that the most important thing is having a loving, meaningful relationship with my son and partner; when I get home from work I want to be with them, sit at the table and eat, play on the floor, snuggle up and watch a movie. If that means dinner isn't always "home"cooked and my house is a bit "lived in," so be it, who cares? My son knows me and he knows that his mommy and daddy love one another and enjoy their time with him. He knows what it is to be a part of something beautiful and full; our family is full of love, play, acceptance, and a genuine enjoyment of one another. When we clean, we play; when we cook, we play; when we shop, we play; and while my house is not spotless and my meals are not gourmet, my home is a home with a real, devoted family in it and I know what I need and I am not at all afraid to insist that I get it.

I cannot emphasize enough that women must individually determine their worth as a mom and acknowledge that the messages we receive about motherhood from the media and magazines, maybe even our friends and families are potentially based in misinformation and stereotypical ideology. We must find what works for us and we must always remember that we are still important; we must be nurtured and cared for by ourselves if we are to expect it from others. We must laugh at ourselves and engage our own growth and development, never forgetting that there is always something new to learn about ourselves. Our children, our partners, our jobs, and whatever other responsibilities that we have are not the end all be all of us.

I am not a mother who happens to be a feminist and a witch, I am a "Witchy, Feminist Mother"who happens to love, cherish, and adore herself. You may be an "Artsy, Activist Mom," "A Domestic Goddess," or an "Intellectual, Writer Mom;" whatever it may be, figure it out and Live it.

Originally posted on CharlotteMommies.com

Mothers face many challenges in today’s world. They carry the responsibility of many roles. Through these roles we become different things to different people. Sometimes we get divided over having a career and having a families or find conflict between the different jobs that we try to do. Making the question “Who am I?” even harder to answer.

It grows harder because mothers see this little person that looks up at them with innocent trusting eyes, mommy is everything to that little one. She makes the hurt from boo-boos go away with a kiss, chases the monsters from under the bed away, and rocks them after a bad dream. Every mother takes that responsibility and carries it with her no matter where she goes. It is an awesome responsibility of caring for this wonderful little person and being mom is always on the mind. As much as it is wonderful to revel in mommyhood, we still need to remember that being a mother is just one part of us, the more we allow ourselves to see who we are the better examples we can set for our children to leading a balanced life.

As a mother, I have struggled to find my own identity. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a business owner, a sister, a friend…..but who am I? It is easy to define yourself by what you do and what you mean to other people. As we take on these different roles our own identity gets blurred. It is harder to make the distinction. Who am I if I am not Logan’s mom or Ben’s wife?

Who are you? A wife, a mother, an employee, they are all a part of who we are, but they do not define you. We are the only ones that are able to define who we are. When are we just women? Women that have our own values, ideas, and philosophies, women that are able to embrace their different roles in life, but still are able to maintain there sense of “self”.

The importance of women defining who they are is giving them a chance to grow as women. To recognize that they need to take off all the different hats that they wear during the day and take time to honor who they are.

The problem is that because they are in so many different roles that they stop seeing themselves separate from them. They stop taking time for themselves, because they are giving so much to everyone else. Does this sound familiar? Have you lost your identity among the different jobs that you do everyday? How do you see yourself?

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if you are defining yourself by what you do instead of who you are:

 Do you spend at least an hour a day doing the things that you want to do? (Reading, participating in hobbies, watching your favorite TV program, etc)

When asked to describe yourself do you start with “I enjoy…” or “I am a woman that believe/feel….”? Or do you say, “I am a mother…” or “I am a nurse…”

Are you able to say “no” to things that interfere with the things that you want to do? Or that you do not have time for?

Do you feel that your life is in balance? Which means that you get enough time to pursue your own interest instead of just the interest of your children or significant other?

Do you feel that you spend time equally on yourself as you do on others?

If you answered “no” to any of the questions it is time to get back in touch with yourself. You need to not only stop defining yourself by what you do but you need to spend sometime getting to know who you are.

Here are some tips for you to get in touch with the forgotten woman inside.

Make sure that you spend time perusing your own interests. The problem with defining yourself by what you do is that you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do; your time is spent doing for others. Do something that you have always wanted to do; take a class, start a book club, anything that gives you some time to just do your own thing. Above all make the time to do it! It’s ok to do something for yourself.

Say “NO” frequently! Just because you take on different roles does not mean that you have to do everything for everybody. Recognize when there is something that others could really do for themselves. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of! REMEMBER it is just as much of a benefit for others to learn how to do for themselves as it is to you.

Make sure that you have OFF DUTY time! Just like a conventional job, make sure there is a time of day when you are done. Don’t work right up until you go to bed. Give yourself time to unwind, distress, and relax. Wait until the kids are in bed and take a long hot bubble bath. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book. Meditate or do yoga. Do whatever relaxes you. You need this time to maintain some balance. Because of you multiple roles you are “on the clock” the majority of the time. You have to have time to distress! Without it you are going to “burn out”. Visualize your bank account if you keep making withdraws without making a deposit, eventually you are going to just run out of resources. Make sure to take time to revitalize yourself.

I have found that by maintaining my own identity that I am a better mother, wife, daughter, business owner, sister, and friend. It maintains balance in my life because I know that even though I am different things to different people; I know what it means to just be me.

{Originally posted on TriadMommies}