Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Enjoying a Subsequent Pregnancy After the Loss of a Baby

June is the month that my first little girl passed from this life, so it always brings me bittersweet memories. There is a lot of love to go around and it may be hard to remember after a child dies that there could be love in a memory as well as love for a new child.

After coming to the realization that your little one is gone, getting out your anger, reaching for support and creating tangible memories, you'll realize that death is a part of life and that you did indeed conceive a wonderful little miracle, but he or she could not stay for whatever the reason. Coming to peace with your loss is also coming to peace with yourself. It's okay to say it... I had a child-My child died-My child passed away-I still have my child in my heart-And that makes me happy. ... and it’s okay to get ready, prepared, and excited for another baby on the way.


Loving a new child does not mean forgetting or abandoning the baby you lost- it means you are moving to a place where it is okay to smile and laugh again, with the utmost respect and love. Your strength to go on is not being disloyal to your child, it is being appreciative of the gifts he or she gave you.

With the coming of a new child, you may have a roller coaster ride of emotions. You may feel anger, fear, anxiousness, immense joy, or denial. Acknowledging, discussing and accepting these feelings are the best way to overcome the grief and prepare for your new child. Pretending that you never lost a child and that this is your first pregnancy is a natural defense to protect yourself from sadness and give you a brief moment of joy while living in a memory, but in the long run, hiding and pretending will give way to reality.

Addressing the facts and coming to this resolution allows blame and depression to fade away. You can still feel sad- you will always feel sad, but you can accept that your child is no longer with you. You can accept that his or her life, as short as it was, had a meaning and made a mark on your life. You can accept that you have another baby on the way and begin to enjoy the developing life of your new child with joy, excitement and anticipation. Remember you are always a mom and loving both babies won’t dilute the intensity. Love multiplies, it never divides.

Submitted by Jill from NorthMetroDCMommies.  Originally posted on the NorthMetroDCMommies Blog.

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