Friday, August 26, 2011

Super Mommy Redfined

When I say "Super Mommy" what is it that comes to mind? Do images of any combo of the following; spotless houses, pristine, genius children, 8 arms, soccer trophies, winning the bread, and a brilliant relationship come to mind? I hope not, cuz I'm writing to tell you that "Super Mommy" is the Mommy who knows herself, who gives of her true self freely to her family, she is the woman who has simply elaborated on the already spectacular chic she is, the woman who has created a family without losing herself. I am here to tell you that we can still skip along on our own individual paths to find and nurture self while bringing our mommy selves to the table. When "who we are"is the actual foundation of our life, everything sort of falls into place. I am one hell of a "Super Mommy" and I may look and do things very, very differently from another "Super Mommy."

How many times have we insisted that we "Just want to be Happy"and how many times have we had the option or opportunity to actually bask in "pure, uninterrupted Happiness?" For me personally I would have to say: Not much. Why is this so? I have come to understand it as a simple misunderstanding of words and a misperception of needs and desires.

What is happiness exactly, is it a state of being or just another emotion that flutters within us? I acknowledge happiness to be one emotion in an extensive and complicated cauldron of emotions, felt by a person either alone or simultaneously with other emotions. I have determined that in my own life it is not Happiness that I am in need of or desire, rather I work for Well-Being. So what is Well-Being? This question in and of itself is so very complicated, and while I have found what is the most comprehensive way possible to define it in these particular moments of my life, that is not to say it will not evolve into something different at another time. Well-being is the collective health and wellness of one's physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and connected self. Wellness is a symptom of well-being, indicating individually defined balance.

I spent a great deal of time, introspection, and energy developing an understanding of what it really meant for me to be well and whole. During the course of this development it occurred to me that I really didn't know very much about myself. I had always adapted to whatever role was necessary at the time and here I was doing the exact same thing as a mom. Now I've always known on some level that I was a pretty awesome chic and while I may have longed to know myself, I never really invested. Once I had my son, I felt a sense of urgency that was exceptionally difficult to ignore; didn't he deserve to know me, who I truly am? Didn't he deserve every ounce of me?

My initial process went a little something like this: I had my son which fulfilled me in ways I never thought possible and it lit a flame under my "tushy"to get on the ball and learn to be whole and well as the very best me possible. I came across some feminist literature, which I found absolutely empowering and compelling. I re-united with a dear friend and almost immediately following that we began to take a Spirituality class, which led me to intense exploration of goddess cultures and the Divine Feminine. Next thing I knew I was feeling good about me and completely absorbed in anything about The Goddess. I started to look a bit more closely at feminist theory and perspective and began to form my own thoughts and opinions regarding those particular topics. All of a sudden I was a fantastic Mother, who loved her plush body and herself, a self proclaimed sexy and fierce feminist, who loved fashion and make-up again, falling back in love with my son's father (my partner), a "witchy"witch again, and completely engulfed by Goddess Spirituality. This is the "me"my son deserves, this is the woman he will admire and look to for guidance. What better gift can I give him?

We cannot forget ourselves, we cannot learn to just "make it"in the chaos that permeates our lives. Most of the moms I know are full-time everything: partners, parents, employees, chefs, housekeepers, and all of that other good stuff. Most moms I know are driven by the societal pressures and expectations of being a "super mom"and while a lot of us have varying degrees of help and support from our partners we are still consistently reminded of the imposed obligations that come with being a "super mom." I say screw that, I say that the most important thing is having a loving, meaningful relationship with my son and partner; when I get home from work I want to be with them, sit at the table and eat, play on the floor, snuggle up and watch a movie. If that means dinner isn't always "home"cooked and my house is a bit "lived in," so be it, who cares? My son knows me and he knows that his mommy and daddy love one another and enjoy their time with him. He knows what it is to be a part of something beautiful and full; our family is full of love, play, acceptance, and a genuine enjoyment of one another. When we clean, we play; when we cook, we play; when we shop, we play; and while my house is not spotless and my meals are not gourmet, my home is a home with a real, devoted family in it and I know what I need and I am not at all afraid to insist that I get it.

I cannot emphasize enough that women must individually determine their worth as a mom and acknowledge that the messages we receive about motherhood from the media and magazines, maybe even our friends and families are potentially based in misinformation and stereotypical ideology. We must find what works for us and we must always remember that we are still important; we must be nurtured and cared for by ourselves if we are to expect it from others. We must laugh at ourselves and engage our own growth and development, never forgetting that there is always something new to learn about ourselves. Our children, our partners, our jobs, and whatever other responsibilities that we have are not the end all be all of us.

I am not a mother who happens to be a feminist and a witch, I am a "Witchy, Feminist Mother"who happens to love, cherish, and adore herself. You may be an "Artsy, Activist Mom," "A Domestic Goddess," or an "Intellectual, Writer Mom;" whatever it may be, figure it out and Live it.

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