Friday, June 17, 2011
Dirt Cake
8:00 AM | Posted by
The Mommies Network |
Dirt cake is one of my favorite desserts. Brings back memories of childhood when I played softball in a summer league. Every summer we would have a end of season banquet to pass out trophies and to have a cook out. One of the mother's would always being dirt cake. It was always the hit of the cook out. The recipe below has been doubled since I am using a large flower pot. If you want to use a smaller potion please half all the ingredients.
In a large bowl mix two (16oz) packages of cream cheese, half a cup of butter, and two cups of powdered sugar together. Note: Make sure to use a large bowl. Also I used a mixer when mixing all the ingredients together and it flew things everywhere. I found that if I used a spoon first to mix and then use the mixer that it worked better.
In a separate large bowl mix 16oz. container of whipped topping, four small packages of instant french vanilla pudding, and seven cups of milk together.
Note: Make sure to use two bowls to mix the ingredients together and then pour together into a large bowl. I had a tough time mixing. I need to buy a larger bowl.
Combine both mixtures together until smooth.
Crumble Oreos in food processor or roll with a rolling pin. I used two large packages of Oreos.
Note: When I make this recipe again and if I use the same size container I would use three packages or Oreos.
If you decide to use a clean flower pot, line it with tin foil for added protection.
Layer the Oreos and pudding mixture to the top beginning and ending with Oreos.
Chill for several hours or overnight. Decorate with gummy worms, silk flowers, or
construction toys. You will be sure to be the hit of your Memorial Day BBQ.
Post submitted by Kathy (absolutelykathy) from CentralPiedmontMommies.
{Originally submitted to CentralPiedmontMommies Blog on 5/28/2011}
{Originally submitted to CentralPiedmontMommies Blog on 5/28/2011}
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011
First-Born Jealousy
Question: Our first-born is showing extreme jealousy towards the new baby. He’s obviously mad at us for disrupting the predictable flow of his life with this new challenger for our attention. How can we smooth things out?
Think about it: Before the baby entered your family, your toddler was told he’d have a wonderful little brother to play with, and how much fun it would be. Then the little brother is born and your toddler is thinking, “Are you kidding me? This squirming, red-faced baby that takes up all your time and attention is supposed to be FUN?” He then “plays” with the baby in the only ways he knows how. He plays catch. You yell at him for throwing toys at the baby. He plays hide-and-seek. You yell at him to get the blanket off the baby. He gives the kid a hug, and you admonish him to be more careful. Is it any wonder that your toddler is confused?
Teach: Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact with his new sibling in proper ways. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you’ve achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. Yes, I know. It isn’t convenient. But it is necessary, maybe even critical.
Hover: Whenever the children are together, “hover” close by. If you see your child about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of “Nos,” which may actually encourage the aggressive behavior.
Teach soft touches: Teach the older sibling how to give the baby a back rub. Tell how this kind of touching calms the baby, and praise the older child for a job well done. This lesson teaches the child how to be physical with the baby in a positive way.
Act quickly: Every time you see your child hit, or act roughly with the baby, act quickly. You might firmly announce, “No hitting, time out.” Place the child in a time-out chair with the statement, “You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way.” Allow him to get right up if he wants – as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn’t punishment, after all. It’s just helping him learn that rough actions aren’t going to be permitted.
Demonstrate: Children learn what they live. Your older child will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions. You are your child’s most important teacher. You are demonstrating in everything you do, and your child will learn most from watching you.
Praise: Whenever you see the older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important “older brother.” Hug and kiss your older child and tell him how proud you are.
Watch your words: Don’t blame everything on the baby. “We can’t go to the park; the baby’s sleeping.” “Be quiet, you’ll wake the baby.” “After I change the baby I’ll help you.” At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. “My hands are busy now.” “We’ll go after lunch.” “I’ll help you in three minutes.”
Be supportive: Acknowledge your child’s unspoken feelings, such as “Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It’s going to take us all some time to get used to this.” Keep your comments mild and general. Don’t say, “I bet you hate the new baby.” Instead, say, “It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” or “I bet you wish we could go to the park now, and not have to wait for the baby to wake up.” When your child knows that you understand her feelings, she’ll have less need to act up to get your attention.
Give extra love: Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs, and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.
Get ‘em involved: Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let the older sibling open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby’s socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.
Making each feel special: Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticisms.
Take a deep breath and be calm. This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards, and focus on your current priority, adjusting to your new family size.
{Originally posted on TriadMommies}
Teach: Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact with his new sibling in proper ways. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you’ve achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. Yes, I know. It isn’t convenient. But it is necessary, maybe even critical.
Hover: Whenever the children are together, “hover” close by. If you see your child about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of “Nos,” which may actually encourage the aggressive behavior.
Teach soft touches: Teach the older sibling how to give the baby a back rub. Tell how this kind of touching calms the baby, and praise the older child for a job well done. This lesson teaches the child how to be physical with the baby in a positive way.
Act quickly: Every time you see your child hit, or act roughly with the baby, act quickly. You might firmly announce, “No hitting, time out.” Place the child in a time-out chair with the statement, “You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way.” Allow him to get right up if he wants – as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn’t punishment, after all. It’s just helping him learn that rough actions aren’t going to be permitted.
Demonstrate: Children learn what they live. Your older child will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions. You are your child’s most important teacher. You are demonstrating in everything you do, and your child will learn most from watching you.
Praise: Whenever you see the older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important “older brother.” Hug and kiss your older child and tell him how proud you are.
Watch your words: Don’t blame everything on the baby. “We can’t go to the park; the baby’s sleeping.” “Be quiet, you’ll wake the baby.” “After I change the baby I’ll help you.” At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. “My hands are busy now.” “We’ll go after lunch.” “I’ll help you in three minutes.”
Be supportive: Acknowledge your child’s unspoken feelings, such as “Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It’s going to take us all some time to get used to this.” Keep your comments mild and general. Don’t say, “I bet you hate the new baby.” Instead, say, “It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” or “I bet you wish we could go to the park now, and not have to wait for the baby to wake up.” When your child knows that you understand her feelings, she’ll have less need to act up to get your attention.
Give extra love: Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs, and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.
Get ‘em involved: Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let the older sibling open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby’s socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.
Making each feel special: Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticisms.
Take a deep breath and be calm. This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards, and focus on your current priority, adjusting to your new family size.
{Originally posted on TriadMommies}
Monday, June 13, 2011
Taking Care of Mama
The class I’d like to see childbirth educators add to their list.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I took every class the hospital offered, from Breastfeeding to Taking Care of Baby. But what really would have helped me is a class that doesn’t exist. A class I’d like to call “Taking Care of Mama.” You know the old saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
About a week after I got home from the hospital with my perfect little baby, nobody in my house was happy because I was miserable. I remember standing at the window in the early morning darkness of a cold rainy Monday watching my husband’s car leave our driveway his first day back to work. All I could think was “The world is going on without me.” I’d given up my career to stay at home with my baby, but suddenly found myself wondering what the hell I was thinking. My days now consisted of changing diapers, trying to (unsuccessfully) breastfeed a fussy baby every 15 minutes, washing endless loads of laundry and watching way too much mindless daytime television. I signed up for this?
Two weeks later I was consumed with dark feelings. When I had to force myself to eat, I knew this was a problem bigger than the “baby blues.” I knew this was postpartum depression, even though I couldn’t make my mouth form the words.
You have to understand, I was the woman who couldn’t wait to be a stay-at-home mom. So when the dark feelings came out of nowhere, I was completely unprepared. I went to all those classes to learn how to diaper and swaddle a baby. I knew how to give the baby a bath and I was even prepared for that ugly umbilical cord stump thing, but I wasn’t prepared for this.
At least one out of every ten women who give birth experience some form of postpartum depression. It’s all over the news. You’d think someone might have at least mentioned it in one of those classes. Nope. Did anyone ever say, “For the next six weeks your hormones will be on a roller coaster ride that will make you feel, at the very least, not yourself. Your body will be recovering from the trauma of birth, while at the same time being more deprived of sleep than a Marine at boot camp. Oh, and you are also now responsible for the health and well being of another human. Life as you knew it is over. Therefore, do not be surprised if you experience an adjustment period.” C’mon. Would a little warning have been so hard?
Yet, alas, none of those healthcare professionals ever seem to mention taking care of yourself as a new mama except for instructing you to wait six weeks before having sex (as if anyone who’s just passed a seven-pound baby through her nether regions needed to be told that). No, all the classes are about the baby. Taking care of the baby, feeding the baby, massaging the baby, diapering the baby and (God-forbid) administering CPR to the baby. The mother is completely left out of the equation. What about the major emotional, financial and psychological turn your life has just taken? Sorry. You’re on your own there sister.
After a few weeks of feeling awful, I went to see my doctor. He knew exactly what I was going through. He told me if I hated breastfeeding, I should stop trying (and not to feel guilty about it), to get out of the house every day and to exercise. Then he gave me a prescription for an antidepressant. I left his office feeling like I might actually survive. And that was a feeling I hadn’t had in what seemed like a really long time.
I had no idea so many other women had gone through the same thing. It sure would have helped to know I wasn’t alone and to hear stories of success from other new moms who suffered from postpartum depression. To be reassured that I wasn’t destined to be a horrible mother and feel like crap the rest of my life. But sadly, few mothers admit publicly or even to their close friends what they are going through.
So here’s what I would tell moms-to-be in my “Taking Care of Mama” class: First, you have to make time for yourself. Get out with your friends, your husband. Get a babysitter. Not only is it okay to take time for yourself, but you’ll be a better mother if you take some time to recharge. Second, everything is a stage. As new moms we have a tendency to think of now as being forever. But the baby will eventually sleep through
the night and smile back at you and laugh and life will get better. And if you are feeling depressed, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Go talk to your doctor. He or she can help. Be empowered to do what works for you. Just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
I’m glad I learned all those lessons. It just would have been nice if someone had given me the Cliff-Notes version ahead of time.
(Post originally submitted to CharlotteMommies)
Do you or someone you know suffer with Post-Partum Depression? Register at SCValleyMommies.com to find support!
When I was pregnant with my first child, I took every class the hospital offered, from Breastfeeding to Taking Care of Baby. But what really would have helped me is a class that doesn’t exist. A class I’d like to call “Taking Care of Mama.” You know the old saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
About a week after I got home from the hospital with my perfect little baby, nobody in my house was happy because I was miserable. I remember standing at the window in the early morning darkness of a cold rainy Monday watching my husband’s car leave our driveway his first day back to work. All I could think was “The world is going on without me.” I’d given up my career to stay at home with my baby, but suddenly found myself wondering what the hell I was thinking. My days now consisted of changing diapers, trying to (unsuccessfully) breastfeed a fussy baby every 15 minutes, washing endless loads of laundry and watching way too much mindless daytime television. I signed up for this?
Two weeks later I was consumed with dark feelings. When I had to force myself to eat, I knew this was a problem bigger than the “baby blues.” I knew this was postpartum depression, even though I couldn’t make my mouth form the words.
You have to understand, I was the woman who couldn’t wait to be a stay-at-home mom. So when the dark feelings came out of nowhere, I was completely unprepared. I went to all those classes to learn how to diaper and swaddle a baby. I knew how to give the baby a bath and I was even prepared for that ugly umbilical cord stump thing, but I wasn’t prepared for this.
At least one out of every ten women who give birth experience some form of postpartum depression. It’s all over the news. You’d think someone might have at least mentioned it in one of those classes. Nope. Did anyone ever say, “For the next six weeks your hormones will be on a roller coaster ride that will make you feel, at the very least, not yourself. Your body will be recovering from the trauma of birth, while at the same time being more deprived of sleep than a Marine at boot camp. Oh, and you are also now responsible for the health and well being of another human. Life as you knew it is over. Therefore, do not be surprised if you experience an adjustment period.” C’mon. Would a little warning have been so hard?
Yet, alas, none of those healthcare professionals ever seem to mention taking care of yourself as a new mama except for instructing you to wait six weeks before having sex (as if anyone who’s just passed a seven-pound baby through her nether regions needed to be told that). No, all the classes are about the baby. Taking care of the baby, feeding the baby, massaging the baby, diapering the baby and (God-forbid) administering CPR to the baby. The mother is completely left out of the equation. What about the major emotional, financial and psychological turn your life has just taken? Sorry. You’re on your own there sister.
After a few weeks of feeling awful, I went to see my doctor. He knew exactly what I was going through. He told me if I hated breastfeeding, I should stop trying (and not to feel guilty about it), to get out of the house every day and to exercise. Then he gave me a prescription for an antidepressant. I left his office feeling like I might actually survive. And that was a feeling I hadn’t had in what seemed like a really long time.
I had no idea so many other women had gone through the same thing. It sure would have helped to know I wasn’t alone and to hear stories of success from other new moms who suffered from postpartum depression. To be reassured that I wasn’t destined to be a horrible mother and feel like crap the rest of my life. But sadly, few mothers admit publicly or even to their close friends what they are going through.
So here’s what I would tell moms-to-be in my “Taking Care of Mama” class: First, you have to make time for yourself. Get out with your friends, your husband. Get a babysitter. Not only is it okay to take time for yourself, but you’ll be a better mother if you take some time to recharge. Second, everything is a stage. As new moms we have a tendency to think of now as being forever. But the baby will eventually sleep through
the night and smile back at you and laugh and life will get better. And if you are feeling depressed, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Go talk to your doctor. He or she can help. Be empowered to do what works for you. Just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
I’m glad I learned all those lessons. It just would have been nice if someone had given me the Cliff-Notes version ahead of time.
(Post originally submitted to CharlotteMommies)
Do you or someone you know suffer with Post-Partum Depression? Register at SCValleyMommies.com to find support!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Help The Mommies Network with a simple "like" on Facebook!
Help The Mommies Network with a simple "like" on Facebook!
Here's the lowdown:
Here's the lowdown:
The Vivint Gives Back Project is a program run by Vivint, Inc. It is an opportunity for Facebook users to help Vivint support charities that are doing good work in neighborhoods and communities across the United States. It is great opportunity for these local charities to be recognized by their supporters. This program is also designed to help direct Vivint's philanthropic dollars, which are donated by Vivint employees to eligible charities who are helping restore hope for families across North America. The charity that receives the most votes will receive $250,000, while the remaining top charity in each of the five regions will receive $100,000 each.
Nominations/endorsements for local charities will begin on April 25, 2011 and will run until 11:59:59 p.m. ET on June 11, 2011. Voting for the top local charity will begin on June 14, 2011 and go until 11:59:59 ET on August 27, 2011. The top 100 charities from Phase I, as well as the final six winners from Phase II will be determined once all of the endorsements and votes have been counted and it has been determined that each of the charities has satisfied all of the program eligibility requirements.
To vote for us, you can either visit our endorsement link HERE, or click the banner at the top or bottom of this post! You can vote for us once per day!
Nominations/endorsements for local charities will begin on April 25, 2011 and will run until 11:59:59 p.m. ET on June 11, 2011. Voting for the top local charity will begin on June 14, 2011 and go until 11:59:59 ET on August 27, 2011. The top 100 charities from Phase I, as well as the final six winners from Phase II will be determined once all of the endorsements and votes have been counted and it has been determined that each of the charities has satisfied all of the program eligibility requirements.
To vote for us, you can either visit our endorsement link HERE, or click the banner at the top or bottom of this post! You can vote for us once per day!
If you have any other questions about this project, check out the overview page of the Vivint.givesback Project website.
Thank you for your support!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
How To Save Money On Your Grocery Bill
1. Shop In Season
If you buy fresh fruits and vegetables that are in season, you will spend less money. As an added bonus, your food will taste better too. Foods that are shipped in from faraway places so that we can eat them out of season - think strawberries, oranges, cucumbers in the winter - have the added cost of transportation to get them to the store. Resist buying that hot house tomato in January. It isn't going to taste good anyway! If you have Farmer's Markets in your area, consider shopping there for local produce. Chances are it will be less expensive, taste better and be organically grown.
2. Shop Sales
Pay attention to the sales that your store is advertising. Buy only what is on sale, instead of buying based on cravings. Most stores post weekly and monthly sales. Find out the sales cycle of your favorite grocer because they don't all run Sunday to Saturday.
3. Plan Meals around Sales
Plan your meals for the week around the weekly sales. Chicken and ground beef are on sale this week? Great - plan your menu to include chicken enchiladas, stuffed chicken breasts, tacos and sloppy joes.
4. Sign up for Store Rewards Cards
By signing up for store rewards cards, you will pay the lowest price for the items in that store. You will also be eligible for special deals and promotions and may receive coupons in the mail directly from the store itself. Your receipt will show you how much you have saved just by having that special card.
5. Sign up for Store email Notices
Many grocery stores now have online coupons and unique online specials. If you sign up for their email notices, you will be in the know about these special coupons and deals. Stores also use their email lists to notify customers of events like super doubles and triples.
6. Use Coupons
Shop with coupons. You can find coupons in the Sunday paper, online, in the grocery store fliers, on special bulletin boards throughout the grocery store, on store shelves, on wine bottles and in blinking machines situated inside grocery stores. You may think that buying generic is always cheaper, but that is often not the case. By combining sales with coupons, you can often get items for free.
7. Plant a Garden
Feed a man and he eats for a day. Plant a garden and you can eat all year long. Fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive, even in season. Buy seeds and plant a garden for a fraction of the cost. Even apartment dwellers can plant small window gardens.
8. Eat Before you Shop
Never shop on an empty stomach. Make sure you eat before you head to the grocery store. Studies show that hungry shoppers spend more money.
9. Leave your Kids at Home
Shop by yourself whenever possible. Children often ask for empty calorie foods and have no concept of cost. Many a mom has broken down and handed over as box of cookies just to get some peace and quiet. Leave them home, shop in quiet and stay on budget.
10. Take a List and Stick to it
Get out your sales fliers, your coupons and your email notices ahead of time and make a list of what you need to buy for the week. Be sure to take your list and a pen with you on your shopping trip and determine to buy only what you have on the list. You will avoid impulse buys this way.
Post submitted by Melissa from TriangleMommies
{Originally submitted to The Mommies Network Blog on April 29, 2011}
Do you have savings tips to share?
Click here to post about them in our Domestic Goddess Forum!
Not a member? Register today on SCValleyMommies.com
If you buy fresh fruits and vegetables that are in season, you will spend less money. As an added bonus, your food will taste better too. Foods that are shipped in from faraway places so that we can eat them out of season - think strawberries, oranges, cucumbers in the winter - have the added cost of transportation to get them to the store. Resist buying that hot house tomato in January. It isn't going to taste good anyway! If you have Farmer's Markets in your area, consider shopping there for local produce. Chances are it will be less expensive, taste better and be organically grown.
2. Shop SalesPay attention to the sales that your store is advertising. Buy only what is on sale, instead of buying based on cravings. Most stores post weekly and monthly sales. Find out the sales cycle of your favorite grocer because they don't all run Sunday to Saturday.
3. Plan Meals around Sales
Plan your meals for the week around the weekly sales. Chicken and ground beef are on sale this week? Great - plan your menu to include chicken enchiladas, stuffed chicken breasts, tacos and sloppy joes.
4. Sign up for Store Rewards Cards
By signing up for store rewards cards, you will pay the lowest price for the items in that store. You will also be eligible for special deals and promotions and may receive coupons in the mail directly from the store itself. Your receipt will show you how much you have saved just by having that special card.
5. Sign up for Store email Notices
Many grocery stores now have online coupons and unique online specials. If you sign up for their email notices, you will be in the know about these special coupons and deals. Stores also use their email lists to notify customers of events like super doubles and triples.
6. Use Coupons
Shop with coupons. You can find coupons in the Sunday paper, online, in the grocery store fliers, on special bulletin boards throughout the grocery store, on store shelves, on wine bottles and in blinking machines situated inside grocery stores. You may think that buying generic is always cheaper, but that is often not the case. By combining sales with coupons, you can often get items for free.
7. Plant a Garden
Feed a man and he eats for a day. Plant a garden and you can eat all year long. Fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive, even in season. Buy seeds and plant a garden for a fraction of the cost. Even apartment dwellers can plant small window gardens.
8. Eat Before you Shop
Never shop on an empty stomach. Make sure you eat before you head to the grocery store. Studies show that hungry shoppers spend more money.
9. Leave your Kids at Home
Shop by yourself whenever possible. Children often ask for empty calorie foods and have no concept of cost. Many a mom has broken down and handed over as box of cookies just to get some peace and quiet. Leave them home, shop in quiet and stay on budget.
10. Take a List and Stick to it
Get out your sales fliers, your coupons and your email notices ahead of time and make a list of what you need to buy for the week. Be sure to take your list and a pen with you on your shopping trip and determine to buy only what you have on the list. You will avoid impulse buys this way.
Post submitted by Melissa from TriangleMommies
{Originally submitted to The Mommies Network Blog on April 29, 2011}
Do you have savings tips to share?
Click here to post about them in our Domestic Goddess Forum!
Not a member? Register today on SCValleyMommies.com
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
What's For Dinner Hun?
Do you ever go man what am I going to make for dinner tonight? Or do you make something and the family goes again? Or maybe you just need new meal ideas. Well here is were to find it. One of our sister sites.
CalDeltaMommies is hosting the first ever Whats Cooking Hun? What is it, you ask? It will be a weekly post all about DINNER! Every week for 2011, we will post a recipe for all to share. We will also have a spot for you to come and link the recipes posted on your blog. You can post one recipe a month or a week-- as many as you like! Who knows... your recipe may be shown here on CDM as the main Dinner of the week. Here's your chance to gain some fame.
Please Take Our Button And Add It To Your Site And Too The Bottom Of Your Posts!
Contribute As Little or As Much As You Can!
Contribute As Little or As Much As You Can!
LOOK FOR OUR RECIPES, EVERY WEDNESDAY OF EVERY WEEK!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
A Dad's Point of View: Being a Teenager Can Be Wonder-Full
It’s so easy to complain about our teens. I know I’m guilty of too often dishing out criticisms, admonishments, and lectures. I worry that my boys might be doing drugs, drinking, or some other peer-pressure stupidity. But, they also deserve my support when they do well and my understanding when they slip up.
My 16-year-old, Will, recently bounded into my office, eager to talk. Wisely, I pulled away from the hypnotic lure of my computer, and faced him squarely, ready for whatever followed.
Normally, when Will comes to talk to me, I am concerned that he either wants something or is going to confess something that I wish I didn’t have to hear. This time, I listened. And I listened and I listened. I smiled, I nodded, I grunted. But, mostly I listened. He had made a remarkable discovery! What was this remarkable revelation? “Life is complicated and full of wonder and amazing things. Where did life come from? Why do we sleep? How does our brain work? Why are there different languages and how did they evolve?” He literally rambled off these and other subjects, as if he’d just discovered the wheel!
Will didn’t want me to offer any feedback: he just wanted to share with me his marvelous realizations. I just sat there and patiently let him passionately express these extraordinary questions. After maybe 15 minutes, he didn’t need me anymore and jumped up and left to call his girlfriend and share with her what he’d just voiced.
Later, as we were all getting ready for bed, he came into our bedroom, where my wife was lying down reading, and I had just come in to get ready for bed. He leaped on our chaise lounge, fell off to the side, and scrambled up laughing at his clumsiness. He then proclaimed, “I love this family,” and proceeded to elaborate for a couple more minutes.
My wife and I actually wondered if Will had taken some drugs, as he seemed so high. But, he hadn’t, and was apparently just being a teenager--a teen enjoying the “wonder-full-ness” of life.
That is my point. The older we get, the more we forget the wonder of youth, the wonder of being a teenager--discovering new worlds to explore and the new ideas that we feel are just ours. (Okay, let’s hear the Star Trek theme now).
Being a teenager means discovering the world. I think adults too often squash that sense of wonder with the desire to have our kids conform. That was my discovery during the short 18 months that I home-schooled Will, since the lack of conforming public school curriculum and class management allowed Will to learn so much more than he otherwise would have under the structure of public school. It’s why I believe home-schooling is really much better for some kids and, at the time, was the very best thing I could have done for Will.
The job of parents is to introduce our children to the world, to give them exposure to as much as we can, and to allow them to choose their paths. I know that early in my parenting, I had my ideas of what I wanted for my sons that were based on my own particular interests and desires. Fortunately, I got over that selfish instinct and ended up supporting my boys’ own interests and dreams. I know too many parents that are single-minded in pushing their kids in the directions these parents think is best while not taking into consideration their kids interests, skills, and desires.
This is dramatically evident in the sports arena, where kids are sometimes literally forced to participate in a sport in which they have no interest. The reason is simply the parents’ ego and vicarious desire to live through their kids. It is so wrong. We also see this in the over-the-top push that parents often inflict on their kids to excel at school so that they can get into this or that college that the parents deem best for their child.
I wonder if it ever occurred to those parents that their son or daughter might actually be better off with a year off between high school and college? Or, maybe not even going to college! Not every kid should go to college. Couldn’t college wait a year or two while these high school grads explore life on their own? Maybe they can see a bit more of the world rather than just continue in what can be the cocoon of education and parental (financial) support?
I may have wanted my sons to be great skiers, or get into an Ivy League college, but now I want them to fulfill their own passions and find the same joy in what they do that I’ve been blessed to find in my writing and now, my radio show as well. I urge you to do the same!
Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/
If you'd like to contribute to the TMN blog, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org
My 16-year-old, Will, recently bounded into my office, eager to talk. Wisely, I pulled away from the hypnotic lure of my computer, and faced him squarely, ready for whatever followed.
Normally, when Will comes to talk to me, I am concerned that he either wants something or is going to confess something that I wish I didn’t have to hear. This time, I listened. And I listened and I listened. I smiled, I nodded, I grunted. But, mostly I listened. He had made a remarkable discovery! What was this remarkable revelation? “Life is complicated and full of wonder and amazing things. Where did life come from? Why do we sleep? How does our brain work? Why are there different languages and how did they evolve?” He literally rambled off these and other subjects, as if he’d just discovered the wheel!
Will didn’t want me to offer any feedback: he just wanted to share with me his marvelous realizations. I just sat there and patiently let him passionately express these extraordinary questions. After maybe 15 minutes, he didn’t need me anymore and jumped up and left to call his girlfriend and share with her what he’d just voiced.
Later, as we were all getting ready for bed, he came into our bedroom, where my wife was lying down reading, and I had just come in to get ready for bed. He leaped on our chaise lounge, fell off to the side, and scrambled up laughing at his clumsiness. He then proclaimed, “I love this family,” and proceeded to elaborate for a couple more minutes.
My wife and I actually wondered if Will had taken some drugs, as he seemed so high. But, he hadn’t, and was apparently just being a teenager--a teen enjoying the “wonder-full-ness” of life.
That is my point. The older we get, the more we forget the wonder of youth, the wonder of being a teenager--discovering new worlds to explore and the new ideas that we feel are just ours. (Okay, let’s hear the Star Trek theme now).
Being a teenager means discovering the world. I think adults too often squash that sense of wonder with the desire to have our kids conform. That was my discovery during the short 18 months that I home-schooled Will, since the lack of conforming public school curriculum and class management allowed Will to learn so much more than he otherwise would have under the structure of public school. It’s why I believe home-schooling is really much better for some kids and, at the time, was the very best thing I could have done for Will.
The job of parents is to introduce our children to the world, to give them exposure to as much as we can, and to allow them to choose their paths. I know that early in my parenting, I had my ideas of what I wanted for my sons that were based on my own particular interests and desires. Fortunately, I got over that selfish instinct and ended up supporting my boys’ own interests and dreams. I know too many parents that are single-minded in pushing their kids in the directions these parents think is best while not taking into consideration their kids interests, skills, and desires.
This is dramatically evident in the sports arena, where kids are sometimes literally forced to participate in a sport in which they have no interest. The reason is simply the parents’ ego and vicarious desire to live through their kids. It is so wrong. We also see this in the over-the-top push that parents often inflict on their kids to excel at school so that they can get into this or that college that the parents deem best for their child.
I wonder if it ever occurred to those parents that their son or daughter might actually be better off with a year off between high school and college? Or, maybe not even going to college! Not every kid should go to college. Couldn’t college wait a year or two while these high school grads explore life on their own? Maybe they can see a bit more of the world rather than just continue in what can be the cocoon of education and parental (financial) support?
I may have wanted my sons to be great skiers, or get into an Ivy League college, but now I want them to fulfill their own passions and find the same joy in what they do that I’ve been blessed to find in my writing and now, my radio show as well. I urge you to do the same!
Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream. For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/
If you'd like to contribute to the TMN blog, please email blogpost@themommiesnetwork.org
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