The class I’d like to see childbirth educators add to their list.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I took every class the hospital offered, from Breastfeeding to Taking Care of Baby. But what really would have helped me is a class that doesn’t exist. A class I’d like to call “Taking Care of Mama.” You know the old saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”



About a week after I got home from the hospital with my perfect little baby, nobody in my house was happy because I was miserable. I remember standing at the window in the early morning darkness of a cold rainy Monday watching my husband’s car leave our driveway his first day back to work. All I could think was “The world is going on without me.” I’d given up my career to stay at home with my baby, but suddenly found myself wondering what the hell I was thinking. My days now consisted of changing diapers, trying to (unsuccessfully) breastfeed a fussy baby every 15 minutes, washing endless loads of laundry and watching way too much mindless daytime television. I signed up for this?

Two weeks later I was consumed with dark feelings. When I had to force myself to eat, I knew this was a problem bigger than the “baby blues.” I knew this was postpartum depression, even though I couldn’t make my mouth form the words.

You have to understand, I was the woman who couldn’t wait to be a stay-at-home mom. So when the dark feelings came out of nowhere, I was completely unprepared. I went to all those classes to learn how to diaper and swaddle a baby. I knew how to give the baby a bath and I was even prepared for that ugly umbilical cord stump thing, but I wasn’t prepared for this.

At least one out of every ten women who give birth experience some form of postpartum depression. It’s all over the news. You’d think someone might have at least mentioned it in one of those classes. Nope. Did anyone ever say, “For the next six weeks your hormones will be on a roller coaster ride that will make you feel, at the very least, not yourself. Your body will be recovering from the trauma of birth, while at the same time being more deprived of sleep than a Marine at boot camp. Oh, and you are also now responsible for the health and well being of another human. Life as you knew it is over. Therefore, do not be surprised if you experience an adjustment period.” C’mon. Would a little warning have been so hard?

Yet, alas, none of those healthcare professionals ever seem to mention taking care of yourself as a new mama except for instructing you to wait six weeks before having sex (as if anyone who’s just passed a seven-pound baby through her nether regions needed to be told that). No, all the classes are about the baby. Taking care of the baby, feeding the baby, massaging the baby, diapering the baby and (God-forbid) administering CPR to the baby. The mother is completely left out of the equation. What about the major emotional, financial and psychological turn your life has just taken? Sorry. You’re on your own there sister.

After a few weeks of feeling awful, I went to see my doctor. He knew exactly what I was going through. He told me if I hated breastfeeding, I should stop trying (and not to feel guilty about it), to get out of the house every day and to exercise. Then he gave me a prescription for an antidepressant. I left his office feeling like I might actually survive. And that was a feeling I hadn’t had in what seemed like a really long time.

I had no idea so many other women had gone through the same thing. It sure would have helped to know I wasn’t alone and to hear stories of success from other new moms who suffered from postpartum depression. To be reassured that I wasn’t destined to be a horrible mother and feel like crap the rest of my life. But sadly, few mothers admit publicly or even to their close friends what they are going through.


So here’s what I would tell moms-to-be in my “Taking Care of Mama” class: First, you have to make time for yourself. Get out with your friends, your husband. Get a babysitter. Not only is it okay to take time for yourself, but you’ll be a better mother if you take some time to recharge. Second, everything is a stage. As new moms we have a tendency to think of now as being forever. But the baby will eventually sleep through
the night and smile back at you and laugh and life will get better. And if you are feeling depressed, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Go talk to your doctor. He or she can help. Be empowered to do what works for you. Just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

I’m glad I learned all those lessons. It just would have been nice if someone had given me the Cliff-Notes version ahead of time.

(Post originally submitted to CharlotteMommies)



Do you or someone you know suffer with Post-Partum Depression?  Register at SCValleyMommies.com to find support!

 

1. Shop In Season
If you buy fresh fruits and vegetables that are in season, you will spend less money. As an added bonus, your food will taste better too. Foods that are shipped in from faraway places so that we can eat them out of season - think strawberries, oranges, cucumbers in the winter - have the added cost of transportation to get them to the store. Resist buying that hot house tomato in January. It isn't going to taste good anyway! If you have Farmer's Markets in your area, consider shopping there for local produce. Chances are it will be less expensive, taste better and be organically grown.

2. Shop Sales
Pay attention to the sales that your store is advertising. Buy only what is on sale, instead of buying based on cravings. Most stores post weekly and monthly sales. Find out the sales cycle of your favorite grocer because they don't all run Sunday to Saturday.

3. Plan Meals around Sales
Plan your meals for the week around the weekly sales. Chicken and ground beef are on sale this week? Great - plan your menu to include chicken enchiladas, stuffed chicken breasts, tacos and sloppy joes.

4. Sign up for Store Rewards Cards
By signing up for store rewards cards, you will pay the lowest price for the items in that store. You will also be eligible for special deals and promotions and may receive coupons in the mail directly from the store itself. Your receipt will show you how much you have saved just by having that special card.

5. Sign up for Store email Notices
Many grocery stores now have online coupons and unique online specials. If you sign up for their email notices, you will be in the know about these special coupons and deals. Stores also use their email lists to notify customers of events like super doubles and triples.

6. Use Coupons
Shop with coupons. You can find coupons in the Sunday paper, online, in the grocery store fliers, on special bulletin boards throughout the grocery store, on store shelves, on wine bottles and in blinking machines situated inside grocery stores. You may think that buying generic is always cheaper, but that is often not the case. By combining sales with coupons, you can often get items for free.

7. Plant a Garden
Feed a man and he eats for a day. Plant a garden and you can eat all year long. Fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive, even in season. Buy seeds and plant a garden for a fraction of the cost. Even apartment dwellers can plant small window gardens.

8. Eat Before you Shop
Never shop on an empty stomach. Make sure you eat before you head to the grocery store. Studies show that hungry shoppers spend more money.

9. Leave your Kids at Home
Shop by yourself whenever possible. Children often ask for empty calorie foods and have no concept of cost. Many a mom has broken down and handed over as box of cookies just to get some peace and quiet. Leave them home, shop in quiet and stay on budget.

10. Take a List and Stick to it
Get out your sales fliers, your coupons and your email notices ahead of time and make a list of what you need to buy for the week. Be sure to take your list and a pen with you on your shopping trip and determine to buy only what you have on the list. You will avoid impulse buys this way.

Post submitted by Melissa from TriangleMommies
{Originally submitted to The Mommies Network Blog on April 29, 2011}

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<div align="center"><a href="http://caldeltamommies.blogspot.com/2010/12/do-you-ever-go-man-what-am-i-going-to.html" title="" target="_blank"><img src="http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c384/mccullar2/food2-1.jpg" alt="" style="border:none" /></a></div>

It’s so easy to complain about our teens. I know I’m guilty of too often dishing out criticisms, admonishments, and lectures. I worry that my boys might be doing drugs, drinking, or some other peer-pressure stupidity.  But, they also deserve my support when they do well and my understanding when they slip up.


My 16-year-old, Will, recently bounded into my office, eager to talk.  Wisely, I pulled away from the hypnotic lure of my computer, and faced him squarely, ready for whatever followed.
Normally, when Will comes to talk to me, I am concerned that he either wants something or is going to confess something that I wish I didn’t have to hear.  This time, I listened.  And I listened and I listened.  I smiled, I nodded, I grunted.  But, mostly I listened.  He had made a remarkable discovery!  What was this remarkable revelation? “Life is complicated and full of wonder and amazing things. Where did life come from?  Why do we sleep?  How does our brain work?  Why are there different languages and how did they evolve?”  He literally rambled off these and other subjects, as if he’d just discovered the wheel!


Will didn’t want me to offer any feedback: he just wanted to share with me his marvelous realizations. I just sat there and patiently let him passionately express these extraordinary questions.  After maybe 15 minutes, he didn’t need me anymore and jumped up and left to call his girlfriend and share with her what he’d just voiced.

Later, as we were all getting ready for bed, he came into our bedroom, where my wife was lying down reading, and I had just come in to get ready for bed.  He leaped on our chaise lounge, fell off to the side, and scrambled up laughing at his clumsiness.  He then proclaimed, “I love this family,” and proceeded to elaborate for a couple more minutes.


My wife and I actually wondered if Will had taken some drugs, as he seemed so high.  But, he hadn’t, and was apparently just being a teenager--a teen enjoying the “wonder-full-ness” of life.

That is my point.  The older we get, the more we forget the wonder of youth, the wonder of being a teenager--discovering new worlds to explore and the new ideas that we feel are just ours. (Okay, let’s hear the Star Trek theme now).


Being a teenager means discovering the world.  I think adults too often squash that sense of wonder with the desire to have our kids conform. That was my discovery during the short 18 months that I home-schooled Will, since the lack of conforming public school curriculum and class management allowed Will to learn so much more than he otherwise would have under the structure of public school.  It’s why I believe home-schooling is really much better for some kids and, at the time, was the very best thing I could have done for Will.

The job of parents is to introduce our children to the world, to give them exposure to as much as we can, and to allow them to choose their paths.  I know that early in my parenting, I had my ideas of what I wanted for my sons that were based on my own particular interests and desires.  Fortunately, I got over that selfish instinct and ended up supporting my boys’ own interests and dreams. I know too many parents that are single-minded in pushing their kids in the directions these parents think is best while not taking into consideration their kids interests, skills, and desires.


This is dramatically evident in the sports arena, where kids are sometimes literally forced to participate in a sport in which they have no interest.  The reason is simply the parents’ ego and vicarious desire to live through their kids.  It is so wrong.  We also see this in the over-the-top push that parents often inflict on their kids to excel at school so that they can get into this or that college that the parents deem best for their child.

I wonder if it ever occurred to those parents that their son or daughter might actually be better off with a year off between high school and college? Or, maybe not even going to college! Not every kid should go to college. Couldn’t college wait a year or two while these high school grads explore life on their own? Maybe they can see a bit more of the world rather than just continue in what can be the cocoon of education and parental (financial) support?


I may have wanted my sons to be great skiers, or get into an Ivy League college, but now I want them to fulfill their own passions and find the same joy in what they do that I’ve been blessed to find in my writing and now, my radio show as well.  I urge you to do the same!




Please listen to “The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View” Thursdays at 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara or on the Internet via a live stream.  For that link and all information about the show and Bruce, visit his web-site: http://brucesallan.com. Bruce’s column, “A Dad’s Point-of-View,” is available in over 75 newspapers and web-sites worldwide. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his “A Dad’s Point-of-View” page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan. 




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Relay For Life of Santa Clarita
Sat 9am to Sun 9am, May 22-23, 2010 at Central Park

We have 104 days left until Relay!


Fighting cancer is a team effort. The impact we can make together is much greater than what any of us could do alone.

At Relay, our team will camp out overnight and take turns walking around the track to raise money and awareness to help the American Cancer Society save more lives from cancer.

By joining or donating to our team, you will be a part of a life-changing event that gives everyone in the community a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against a disease that takes too much.

Help us create a world with less cancer and more birthdays.

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/scvalleymommies

Click on the above link to join our team or donate. And if you would like to help out in raising funds or volunteer the day of Relay, please e-mail me, Melissa@SCValleyMommies.com

A big thanks to Cassie Girl Cosmetics for being a special sponsor by donating the registration fee & T-shirts to our Team Members

When I asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas this year, she told me there was nothing that she wanted. Later I overheard her saying to her brother that she was excited to go to Grandma’s house for Christmas, not for the presents, but to spend time with family.

Boy, did those two comments warm my heart. However, I know when present unwrapping time comes she’ll want to tear open presents just as much as the next person.

Looking back on my own childhood, yes, I do remember getting a bike one year, which I was very pleased to receive. However, the presents that I remember most are ones that didn’t cost a lot of money. They were creatively wrapped and the three that I remember best of all were edible.

First, aware that I was a Violet Beauregarde of a gum chewer, my uncle gave me my very own jumbo-sized box of gumballs. I remember wondering what could be inside the wrapped box he had given me, and being delighted when I uncovered my whopping supply of chewing gum.

Another year, I remember a friend of the family placing a wrapped mandarin orange in my stocking. Not only was I excited that he had brought me a gift, but his present tickled my funny bone as well.

Finally, I remember my grandmother giving me my very own box of neatly packaged handmade cookies. What could be better than a personal stash of favorite cookies sitting in a pretty handmade box?

Looking past the edible gifts while staying focused on dear Grandma, I recall that she was also an expert at creating captivatingly wrapped packages. Her shopping bags usually contained an assortment of individually wrapped, inexpensive, but amusing toys and trinkets she had collected over the year.

So this year as I contemplate what to give my children, I remind myself that the spirit of Christmas is not about how big or expensive the gifts I give are (even though advertising is pushing to convince me otherwise). Christmas giving is about the love and thought put behind the gifts, no matter how small that gift is or how much money it cost.

I admit it does help that my daughter has an attitude of gratitude instead of a case of the gimmies. It is her attitude that will help give me the courage to wrap an orange, a gigantic box of chewing gum, or a homemade box of cookies.

It is my hope that those inexpensive, yet significant gifts will create smiling memories to look back on for a lifetime.
 
Read more by author, Linda Hatton, at Suite101, the whatnot shop, and Deliberate Creations.